With forgiveness, events and people are re-contextualized as simply “limited”—not “bad” or “unlovable.” With humility, we are willing to relinquish our perception of a past event. We pray for a miracle to see the truth about the situation or person, and we surrender all of our opinions about the matter. We look at the payoffs we’re getting from keeping our perception of what occurred, and we let go of each little payoff: the pleasure of self-pity, of “being right,” of being “wronged,” and of our resentments. Eventually, we surrender the very idea of forgiveness. To forgive someone implies that we’re still seeing the person or situation as “wrong” and, therefore, in need of being forgiven. True surrender means letting go completely of seeing it in such a way. When we surrender our perception completely, letting go of all judgment, then the whole situation is transfigured and we see the person as lovable. Since all judgment is really self-judgment, we have liberated ourselves in the process.
–Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender