Do you want to prove yourself “right,”
Do you want to connect with your opponent and find common ground and win?
Do you want to perpetuate and maintain your point of view, or do you want to solve a problem?
–The Four Insights by Alberto Villoldo
Communion is possible, but not communication. This has to be understood from the very beginning. Communion is a totally different dimension: two hearts meet; it is a love affair. Communication is from head to head; communion is from heart to heart, communion is a feeling.
A friend of mine crossed 45 years of age. I asked him what’s changing? He sent me the following lines.
Yes, I am changing — After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my friends, now I have started loving myself.
Yes, I am changing — I just realised that I am not “Atlas”. The world does not rest on my shoulders.
Yes, I am changing — I now stopped bargaining with vegetables and fruits vendors. After all, a few rupees more is not going to burn a hole in my pocket but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.
Yes, I am changing — I pay the taxi driver without waiting for the change. The extra money might bring a smile on his face. After all he is toiling much harder for a living than me. Continue reading
An aged Chinese monk, despairing at never having reached enlightenment, asks permission to go to an isolated cave to make one final attempt at realization. Taking his robes, his begging bowl, and a few possessions, he heads out on foot into the mountains.
What will resonate with you about nurturing relationships ( including coach /mentor) in your own life will not necessarily be the same as what resonated with me. However, below is a summary of my key learnings about nurturing relationships that continue to clarify and enrichen my transition from confusion to self- discovery.
A range of coping mechanisms anyone can call upon –
• Get enough rest and sleep.
• Make time for yourself every day to be alone and quiet.
• Make sure you get outside to refresh your connection to nature.
• Maintain an active life—don’t be chained to the situation.
• Share duties and responsibilities. Ask for help before you feel overwhelmed.
• Pursue a regular routine—this helps offset unpredictable events.
• Find an activity that makes you feel in control.
• Find a confidant with whom you can share your feelings without judgment. • Don’t martyr yourself by taking on more than you can handle.
• Fight the urge to feel victimized.
• Don’t isolate yourself—keep up your social activity.
• Seek out people in the same situation who can empathize with you and offer positive support.
• Resist self-judgment. Be easy on yourself, accepting the ups and downs of emotions as natural.
• Where there is the possibility of finding joy, pause to appreciate it.
A Sense of Meaning
One of the most inspirational people I have ever known is Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany in World War II. He was a scientist. He was terribly inquisitive and understood scientific methodology, and he wondered what enabled some of the prisoners who were subject to such terrible treatment in the death camps to survive. He studied the survivors and attempted to understand what enabled these people to survive, unlike the hundreds of thousands who perished. Was it their physical health? He found physical health to be secondary. Was it their survival skills? Secondary. Was it their intelligence? Secondary. He explored every alternative hypothesis. He finally concluded they were all secondary factors.
“Somewhere in our brains we carry a map of our relationships. It is our mother’s lap, our best friend’s holding hand, our lover’s embrace—all these we carry within ourselves when we are alone. Just knowing that these are there to hold us if we fall gives us a sense of peace.”
– Barbara Fredrickson, Psychologist