we are frequently more focused on ‘being interesting’ and less focused on ‘taking an interest.’

“When we fear what other people think about us, we are frequently more focused on ‘being interesting’ and less focused on ‘taking an interest.’ That’s why many people talk a great deal when they are anxious and why many people never feel heard. If both people and conversation are trying to be interesting, there is no one left to genuinely listen.”
― John Yokoyama, When Fish Fly: Lessons for Creating a Vital and Energized Workplace from the World Famous Pike Place Fish Market

When you listen to somebody are you listening to them or are you chattering to yourself  inside? If you are talking to yourself you are not listening. Listening and taking cannot happen together. Yes, something will reach your ears after the other person has finished talking, with the help of that little bit you have heard, you will speak. But the person who spoke will be surprised , because what you understood id not what he said. If by some chance the other person is also muttering to himself while you are talking , the dialogue is taking place between two madmen. No sense can come out of it; it is a useless debate, useless phrases are being hurled at one another. This is not a dialogue.

– Osho from ‘ The Voice of Silence’

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