And don’t try to change everything all at once; instead, be sure to change something fundamental.

So don’t keep looking for patterns and tormenting yourself with what’s wrong with you: that could be just another pattern. And whatever you do, don’t identify yourself with your pain, your suffering and sore spots, otherwise you’ll never be free of them. Don’t identify with the mistakes you have made, or let yourself believe that simply because you went wrong, you are fundamentally bad or that’s all that you are or could ever be.

Much more important is to strengthen the good aspects of yourself, to realise and remember what happens in those wonderful moments when you are confident in your nature, when you feel so good that it’s almost as if there is no ego, as if all sense of ‘self” had completely dissolved, revealing the real you, and there is only compassion, generosity and fearlessness.

In our heart of hearts we all want to make progress, to change, to become enlightened. But we don’t need to wait for the perfect situation, for everything to be right, before we can let go and change. We can begin right now. Let’s face it, we have no choice but to change and that lack of choice is a blessing in disguise, for it hands us continuously the opportunity to blossom, to be free of our ‘selves’ and so to become truly ourselves.

And don’t try to change everything all at once; instead, be sure to change something fundamental. Change has to grow on you, then it’s much more stable. Sudden change is like a promise you cannot keep. Keep working slowly and trust that it will work out, because what we discover so often in life is this: when you really let go, whatever you are asking for happens; and when you try for too much, it does not. But letting go does not mean giving up; they are two quite different things. Never give up. But by all means do let go.

– Sogyal Rinpoche

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