stephen covey

The Principle of Influence

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“Few needs of the human heart are greater than the need to be understood—to have a voice that is heard, respected, and valued—to have influence. Most believe that the key to influence is communication—getting your point across clearly and speaking persuasively. In fact, if you think about it, don’t you find that, while others are speaking to you, instead of really listening to understand, you are often busy preparing your response? The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them—when they feel understood by you—that you have listened deeply and sincerely, and that you are open. But most people are too vulnerable emotionally to listen deeply—to suspend their agenda long enough to focus on understanding before they communicate their own ideas. Our culture cries out for, even demands, understanding and influence. However, the principle of influence is governed by mutual understanding born of the commitment of at least one person to deep listening first.” 

-Stephen Covey

Book of the Month : October 2022 – Live Life in Crescendo by Stephen R. Covey and Cynthia Covey Haller

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Live Life in Crescendo : Your Most Important Work is Always Ahead of You - Stephen R. Covey
The inspirational, encouraging final book from the legendary leadership expert Stephen R. Covey, internationally bestselling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Stephen R. Covey spent his long and storied career inspiring millions of individuals to make their lives more effective, compassionate, and meaningful. Near the end of his life, Covey felt there was a final component to his work: How to live your best life no matter your age? How to best respond to life-challenging experiences? How to approach the challenges and opportunities of middle to later life—like raising children, caring for your parents, leading and inspiring others, staying on top of your career, contributing to your community, and what follows next?

Live Life in Crescendo is Covey’s answer to these questions, outlining his vision for those in the prime of life, whatever age you may be. Covey urges all to “live life in crescendo,” continually growing in contribution, learning, and influence. In the same way that music builds on the previous notes, life too, builds on the past and unfolds in the future. This crescendo mentality urges you to use whatever you have—your time, talents, resources, gifts, passion, money, and influence—to enrich the lives of people around you, including your family, neighborhood, community, and the world.

Cowritten with his daughter, Cynthia Covey Haller, and published posthumously, Live Life in Crescendo is a life-changing and life-affirming book that befits the generosity and wisdom of the late Stephen R. Covey.

So, what do you want to be when you grow up?

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Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind

Focus time and energy on things that can be controlled.

So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you–right now–who you want to be, what you dreamed you’d be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty–successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster. 

80th Birthday
Your most important work is always ahead of you, never behind you. - Stephen Covey

He who has a ‘why’ can live with any ‘what’

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A Sense of Meaning

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One of the most inspirational people I have ever known is Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany in World War II. He was a scientist. He was terribly inquisitive and understood scientific methodology, and he wondered what enabled some of the prisoners who were subject to such terrible treatment in the death camps to survive. He studied the survivors and attempted to understand what enabled these people to survive, unlike the hundreds of thousands who perished. Was it their physical health? He found physical health to be secondary. Was it their survival skills? Secondary. Was it their intelligence? Secondary. He explored every alternative hypothesis. He finally concluded they were all secondary factors.

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Learning from Feedback ,Governed by Our Vision

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Image result for feedbackBecause of its value, some people have called feedback “the breakfast of champions.” But it isn’t the breakfast; it’s the lunch. Vision is the breakfast. Self-correction is the dinner. Without vision, we have no context for feedback. We’re just responding to what someone else values or wants. We’re living out of the social mirror. We fall into the trap of trying to become all things to all people, meeting everybody’s expectations, and we end up essentially meeting nobody’s, including our own. Continue reading →

Your success as a 3rd Alternative thinker will come from the inside out….

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Image result for stephen covey 3rd alternativeYour success as a 3rd Alternative thinker will come from the inside out.

I recommend twenty things that I’ve found to be very helpful in developing the inner strength and security to create 3rd Alternative solutions:

1. Beware of pride. Let go of needing always to be “right.” Your grasp on reality is always partial anyway. Allow yourself to achieve the important breakthroughs in relationships and creative solutions that will never likely be realized if you stubbornly hold on to being “right.”

2. Learn to say “I’m sorry.” Do it quickly once you realize you’ve fallen short or hurt someone. Be sincere and don’t hold back. And don’t go just half way. Apologize fully, take responsibility, and express your desire to understand.

3. Be quick to forgive perceived slights. Remember, you choose whether or not to be offended. If you feel offended, let it go.

4. Make and keep very small promises to yourself and others. Take baby steps. As you create a pattern of doing so, make and keep bigger promises. Your own integrity will become your greatest source of security and strength.

5. Spend time in nature. Go on long walks. Create space in your life every day for reflection on the synergies of the world around you.

6. Read widely—it’s one of the best ways to make mental connections and get insights that can lead to 3rd Alternatives.

7. Exercise often, each day if possible; and eat healthy food, with balance and moderation. The body is the instrument of the mind and spirit.

8. Get enough sleep, at least 7 to 8 hours daily. Science tells us that the brain grows new connections during sleep, which is why we often awake with sparkling new ideas. And you’ll find yourself so much more able to give the emotional, mental, and spiritual energy needed to create 3rd Alternatives.

9. Study inspiring or sacred literature. Ponder, meditate, or pray. Insights will come.

10. Make quiet time for yourself to think through creative 3rd Alternative solutions to your challenges.

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